Nonsense again

Iraq Update: U.S. Attacks Shiites; Shiites Attack Sunnis
Sunnis attack U.S.; U.S. attacks Sunnis; Sunnis attack Shiites; Shiites attack Shiites; Sunnis attacks Sunnis; U.S. attacks U.S.

Studay: Average Arab Home Has 1500 TV Channels
And one book.

Study: 30% Don't Use Internet
They go outside, talk to other people, read books, newspapers.

Survey: Web News Readers Have Greater Attention Span
Those who read newspapers tend to rip them up after the headline.

Sex Trade Booming in Baghdad; Opium Trade Booming in Kabul
Pimps, dealers support long-term U.S. presence.

Good News: First Earthlike Planet Just Like Ours
Bad news: first Earthlike planet just like ours.

Bush: We'll Leave Iraq “If They Ask Us”
And invade Iran “if they ask us.”

Google Survey: Average Blog Read by One Person
And you know who that is.

Palestinian Violence Intensifies
Factions fighting over whether or not they're in a civil war.

Report: Global Warming Will Hit Poor Hardest
Rich will prosper selling poor air conditioners.

Panel: Man to Blame for Global Warming
Specifically, one man: George W. Bush.

Condoleezza Rice: “It’s Time for a New Middle East”
Demolition has already begun.

Bees Trained To Sniff Explosives
Wanted: volunteers to both handle bees, defuse bombs.

Good News: Iraqi Death Squads Disappearing
Bad News: they're now the police.

Major Problem Emerges in Bush Plan to Attack Iran
He can't pronounce either “Mahmoud” or “Ahmadinejad.”

Study: Most Diets Fail
However, most diet books succeed.

Study: Roasted Vegetables as Bad for Teeth as Sugar
Public advised to eat toothpaste.

Study: Earth's Magnetic Field Declining Rapidly
Public urged to tape pictures to refrigerator.

Iraqi Farmers Now Growing Opium Instead of Rice
Transition to democracy nearly complete.

Report: Bush Refused to Hear CIA's Warnings About Iraq
“Surprise me,” he told them.

Iraqi’s Interior Ministry to Ban News Reporters, Photographers From Sites of Bomb Attacks
What bomb attacks?

UK Firm Unveils World's First Million Dollar Laptop
Hopes to sell one.

Study: Married Couples' Sex LifeHalved by Having TV in Bedroom
From once a year to once every two years.

Nonsense Talk III

Study: Rats Think Like Humans
They lie, cheat, eat too much cheese.

Jimmy Carter: Bush Administration “Worst in History”
Even worse than his.

Study: Income Gap Widening
Between Filthy Rich and Stinking Rich.

France Sent CIA 9 Reports in Early 2001 About Al Qaeda Hijack Plot
But the U.S. have no one who reads French.

Japan Recalls 180,000 Toilets Which Can Catch on Fire
If any gas is released.

Study: More Kids 10-17 Seeing Online Porn, Mostly By Accident
Or so they claim.

Referendum Making Egypt a Police State Gets Enthusiastic 4% Voter Turnout
96% opposing police state stay home.

Iraq Poll: Majority Say Things Better Under Saddam
Call for regime change in U.S.

Study: Women Become Sexually Aroused as Fast as Men
But men fall asleep faster after sex.

High Tech Latex Spray Condom: Insert Penis, Press Button
Users say it's better than sex.

U.S. Military Non-Combat Efforts Now Include Building Schools, Hospitals
Got idea from Hezbollah.

New Diet Coke Plus Contains Vitamins and Minerals
Aimed at anorexic health nuts.

Nonsense talk II

White House: Press Never Reports Good News From Iraq
Like that new school (bombed) and that new hospital (never built).

Study: Human Sperm Use Teamwork to Reach Egg
Employ sophisticated eleven-man formations to confuse defenses.

Tea's Benefits Ruined When You Add Milk
Milk's benefits ruined when you add tea.

Co-Inventor of TV Remote Dies
From lack of exercise.

Report: English, Irish, Scots Genetically the Same
Findings greeted with identical drunken brawls in Dublin, Glasgow, London.

Statue of Liberty Spanks Bush
Uncle Sam sodomizes Cheney

Sex May Relieve Headaches
Finding renders excuse “I've got a headache” worse than useless.

White House: Iraq in “New Phase”
The one between “civil” and “war.”

Study: Male B.O. a Turn-On for Women
Women also turned on by bad breath, dandruff.

New Brain Scan Can Read People's Intentions
Could help doctors determine if patient intends to pay.

Women Make Slight Gains in Latest Workforce Data
Mostly in entertainment industry.

White House: Iraq in “New Phase”
The one between “civil” and “war.”

Study: Human Contact Helps People Live Longer
According to researchers' mass e-mailing.

Nonsense talk

Study: Women Dress More Revealingly When Ovulating
Men dress more revealingly during playoffs.

New Research: Smoking Marijuana May Stave Off Alzheimer's
Just saying no contraindicated.

British Research: 1 in 5 Think About Sex When Driving
1 in 15 think about driving during sex.

Study: Cigarette Nicotine LevelsRise 10% in Last 6 Years
Tobacco companies' reward to smokers for their loyalty.

Survey: Kids Can Easily Get Around Most Web Filters
Adults need kids' help.

Analysis: U.S. Losing in Iraq, Afghanistan
Winning in Panama, Grenada.

Latest Study: Even Slightly Overweight People Face Much Higher Risk of Premature Death
Experts advise public not to read study.

Study: Sexy Music Leads to Sex
Which leads to a recording contract.

Research: Money Doesn't Buy Happiness
Just more research.

Study: Coffee Makes You More Open-Minded
Bush switches to tea.

Mushrooms Found to ContainPlenty of Vitamin D
There's even more in poisonous mushrooms.

New Study: Low-Salt Diet, Like Low-Fat Diet, Has No Proven Health Benefit
Did somebody say McDonald's?

Study: Men Claim Having Two to Four Times as Many Sex Partners as Women
Conclusion: men and women are lying.

Quiz: Iraq Oil

The U.S. administration is exerting massive pressure on the Iraqi parliament to pass a law regarding the disposition of the nation’s oil riches which would:

A ) fairly distribute the wealth between Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds
B ) Give 81% of Iraqi oil to multi-national oil companies

Hint: U.S. invasion to Iraq was originally code-named Operation Iraqi Liberation

Qiz: Who's the enemy?

In Iraq, U.S. troops are being attacked by all groups, including ex- Saddam’s army, Al Qaeda fighter, various Sunni and Shiite militias and US-trained Iraq army. So the enemy is:

A ) the Iraqi nationalists
B ) the freedom-lovers
C ) the freedom-haters
D ) the friendly fire
E ) Bush